The ranting of a fashion nut: Mid-life crisis

13 March 2015

There is nothing that screams “mid-life crisis” like a man over 40 years with a wallet chain and earring in one ear. Sports cars and girlfriends young enough to be their granddaughters are too cliché for Namibian men when they are going through their mid-life crises.

I cannot say for sure whether it’s because China Town jewellery is a cheaper alternative, or they believe going around dressed like an Avril Lavigne impersonator is fashionable.

Every time I see a man with an earring or wallet chain or both, I expect to him to break out into Omarion’s Touch with an old woman in a Nama dress as his love interest.

The argument that a wallet chain is convenient in ensuring you don’t lose your wallet or keys may fly when you are a second year art major at Unam, but even they know they should get rid of them at the end of the year.

The wallet chain may not be so popular anymore, but dear God when will men get rid of the earring in the left ear bit?

It’s no wonder your baby cries every time you try to pick it up, clearly it’s scared of you. Men with earrings make Freddy Krueger look like a saint.

I would rather see the out-dated version of a man going through a mid-life crisis; you know the sports car and young girl version.

I also do not mind the Bruce Jenner version, the one where he decided he felt like a woman trapped in a woman’s’ body and underwent a sex change.

However, I put my foot down at earrings; there is no justification for it. Trying to relive your days as a gothic teenager will not stop the hands of time.

Yes, you haven’t accomplished anything with your life, all you have to show for it is an ex-wife who has come out of the closet, children who hate you and a mountain of debt, now let’s move on.

Wearing wallet chains and earrings will only give people more reason to laugh at you. Your sense of style should always reflect who you want people to see you as – not some disgraceful figment of your imagination.

You have a bigger chance of reclaiming your pride and self-worth looking like a million dollars than when you look like a hobo.

I know some of my brothers in the Lokasie think this is not aimed at them, but they actually inspired it. They go through life with an “I have nothing more to lose” attitude.

For all you know you could be the next Chris Gardner but no one can see your potential because that bling in your ear blinds them.

The next time I see a grown man with a chain and earring, I will choke him with the chain, pull out the earring, and fry the piece of the flesh that falls off, Hannibal Lecter-style. - This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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The Windhoek Observer is an English-language weekly newspaper, published in Namibia by Paragon Investment Holding. It is the country's oldest and largest circulating weekly.

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