Couch Cat: Drink the green stuff

08 November 2019
Author   Jackie Wilson Asheeke
I regularly read articles about healthy eating via drinking various juice concoctions. I have tried some and have had mixed results. My latest ‘discovery’ is a blending of cucumbers, parsley, pineapples and celery that is supposed to cleanse me, make me less hungry (no snacking!), give me all kinds of vitamins that are good for me and shrink my belly. If there is something that will shrink my belly, I’d be happy to try it so that I can say hello to my toes again. When I look down these days, I see nothing but a smooth brown balloon with a navel.
To my ‘juice’ above, I added my touch of a sliced over-ripe apple and a tablespoon of protein powder and chia seeds. The seeds are an excellent source of omega-3 fatty acids, rich in antioxidants and they provide fibre, iron, and calcium. They feel funky and a bit slimy as you swallow them.
I noticed that you have to add water or unsweetened apple juice to make these mixes have a non-mud consistency. The celery is so fibrous and the blended parsley is so pasty that the entire thing is a green gloop that cannot be poured. But, the watered-down apple juice and ice cubes that I add, solve the problem.
This mix tastes like nothing. I taste the pineapples and cucumbers of course, but after that…nothing great or nasty.
After a day in the fridge, the leftover mix splits and returns to being gloop on the bottom and watery yuck on the top. I shake it all together before I fill another glass.
After a couple of days on the green stuff, I was quite ‘regular’. I didn’t lose stomach girth in terms of fat as much as I cleaned out my insides. That, in turn, caused a minor deflation of my balloon belly. I suppose the vitamins I was consuming were good for me, but I felt no radical change.  And no, it didn’t stop me from snacking.  I still went for the bad-goodies between meals.
The next concoction I have tried is Dr Oz’s Swimsuit Slimdown drink. It calls for 1 cup of grapefruit or orange or pineapple juice; two teaspoons of apple cider vinegar and one teaspoon of honey. You are supposed to drink this before each meal to break down fat cells faster.  At least this one tastes pleasant. The apple cider vinegar gives me heartburn, so I abandoned this one.
Here is another one that claims to shrink belly fat. Check this out: One cucumber; a bunch of parsley; one lemon (I supposed the juice and pulp?), one tablespoon of grated ginger; one tablespoon of aloe vera juice and a half of a glass of water. Bend the ingredients and drink a glass of the green stuff before going to bed. Take note that this one is a bit pricy. Aloe vera juice is expensive and available in only a few shops. Fresh ginger is through the moon in price, though you only need a small bit.  Cucumbers and lemons are easily available and cheap.
Another ‘flat belly juice’ recipe has the pineapple chunks, the cucumber, and two stalks of celery. But, it also demands a cup of cabbage (raw and shredded I suppose), two carrots (again, shredded I suppose), a dash of turmeric, and a cup of spinach. Flat belly or not, this drink has loads of good vitamins, anti-oxidants and fibre to make you go to the toilet. It does great things for your digestive system. However, I note the lack of nice tasting stuff other than pineapple. This recipe might taste nasty. Still…if it works, why not?
Check any internet health recipes out with your doctor or dietician before starting up. You never know the side effects. But, if it is OK, then be adventuresome and get the green stuff.


The Windhoek Observer is an English-language weekly newspaper, published in Namibia by Paragon Investment Holding. It is the country's oldest and largest circulating weekly.

Contact Us

Windhoek Observer House
c/o John Meinert & Rossini Street
Windhoek West
Tel: +264 61 411 800
Fax: +264 61 226 098