Real men don’t hurt women

20 October 2017
Author   Michael Seibeb
It seems like Namibian men can’t take break ups with their women and that is why there is so much domestic violence.  Why can’t men realise that there is nothing guaranteed in life, not even relationships?
Today she wants to leave you; tomorrow you might want to leave her. You must be ready for anything when dealing with other people. 
And you know what?  Your woman’s departure from your life is not the end of the world.  The sun still rises tomorrow and life, with all of its possibilities and potential, goes on.
It hurts and it is hard, but you have to get your head ready.  I really don’t understand why men react so badly when a woman says good-bye or starts up with another man.  And yet, many men are hypocrites.  We are so quick to want to get violent or expose her private ‘things’ when she ‘cheats’, but we conveniently forget about all the times when we cheated on her. 
You men, all of a sudden want to kill or beat a woman or expose the private stuff you shared during your happier times as revenge for a bruised ego.  Well, my friends, such things only make matters worse. 
I know it is not easy, but when facing maximum disappointment in anything, first walk away for a bit.  Never, make a snap reaction or statement, you will regret it.  You can never ‘un-slap’, ‘un-kill’ or ‘un-hurt’ someone.  With the internet, you can never really erase nasty emails, secrets revealed or photos posted.  Run away, fast…when you feel things spinning too much out of control; find your inner peace, then deal with the problem as it is. 
Just like many people in this world, I have had to survive a severely broken heart. Was it painful? Yes!  It felt like my world had ended; I was hurt and angry.  Dark thoughts passed through my mind– I wanted her to hurt as much as I did.  Thank God, I had enough presence of mind to seek support from my family and friends and they helped me make it through. 
Society doesn’t want men to cry and appear ‘weak.’  That is so much pressure!  But, in my dark days of heartache, I cried a lot and talked out my pain and it helped. 
Men take note of this truth:  You don’t own anyone, not your girlfriend, wife or children. They are human beings with their own choices and their own minds, whether you like their decisions or not. 
What do you get out of exposing your ex-girlfriend’s private chats, emails, photos or what you did together in private while you were a couple?  Any woman in your future will know that this is how you act when you don’t get your way.  A potential girlfriend or wife may think, ‘if he treated his last girlfriend like that, he could do it to me too.’
There are guys who beat and berate their children’s mothers and yet they want the love and respect of their kids. 
Often men think about how much money or how many things they bought for their girlfriend or wife and quantify relationships in dollar amounts.  “I bought her a watch for N$1500 and she still left me for that other man!”  But, men…if you think that paying her rent or buying her Brazilian hair or giving her a fancy smart phone means you now own her;  you are fooling yourself.  Taking a woman out to dinner is not a down-payment on her life.
Think of the other side of the coin.  Having sex with you, cooking or cleaning for you, comforting and encouraging you or paying your bills does not mean that you are hers forever; she does not own you either.
Dear men out there, there are other wonderful women out there waiting for you. Just because things did not work out with that one woman doesn’t make you less of a man.  Real men own their successes and their failures;  real men don’t hurt women.


The Windhoek Observer is an English-language weekly newspaper, published in Namibia by Paragon Investment Holding. It is the country's oldest and largest circulating weekly.

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