I read so many articles on line and in print media about eating healthy and losing weight. I’m sick of it. On behalf of my thighs, butt and belly (Jackie’s tbb group), I am shamelessly writing this ode to fat food.
All my readers are hereby granted permission to eat what you want, go after the tastiest dishes, and stuff your face with chocolate.
Go grill a thick T-bone steak prepared as you like it. Salt it, sauce it, savour it, chew it well and stuff it down your throat.
Bake a potato and get sour cream, salt, pepper, real butter and chives. Submerge the potato in the cream and butter and fill your mouth with joy.
Order a small pizza with ten toppings. Fold it as you shove each slice in your mouth and let the tomato sauce and excess toppings drip down your chin.
I miss my sister Susan’s spiced, fried chicken wings. I try to do it here, but I do not have access to the needed spices. However, my tbb group demands fried chicken, so I comply. Use chicken wings, thighs and legs – douse the lemon washed chicken in flour, breadcrumbs and herbs for the crust and throw them in a deep pot of boiling animal fat! Make sure they are cooked all the way to the bone and munch without guilt. Or, Braai those babies - make a BBQ sauce with beer and spices to blow your brains out. Then, submerge the chicken in that dynamite sauce and hit it with the grill!
One thing I have always missed in my world travels is the great junk food available in the USA. I proudly can declare that the Land of E Pluribus Unum makes the best fat food in the world, particularly BURGERS!
While many know the American fast food chain, McDonald’s (MickeyD’s), I will declare that the best burger is made in another food chain called, Wendy’s. Fast food connoisseurs will want break out the tar and feathers meant for me in response to my burger blasphemy, but hear me out. Wendy’s has a double (or triple!) cheese burger (fresh ground meat, not a frozen patty) dripping with grease and oozing with cheese that makes me moan when I eat it.
My tbb demand that I give a nod to American burger offerings from Fuddrukers (bourbon burgers!) and Smashburgers (with mushrooms and Swiss cheese) and of course, the drippy, fatty, Philly Cheesesteak with extra fried onions. (I am drooling.)
Then, there is the ambrosia of the gods that emerges from bakeries. While the USA’s Dunkin’ Donuts (old fashioned chocolate frosting or donut holes for me!) chain bakery is a simple winner, almost any bakery making cinnamon apple turnovers or hot apple pie (American style with no raisins or nuts!) can become my favourite spot.
When I lived in Germany, everyone always praised Bäckerei goods. I beg to differ. Having eaten my way through almost everything available, I have to say, that other than their freshly baked bread, I remain unimpressed (though I give a mild shout out to vanillekipferl and Apfelkuchen). Give me Hostess Ho-Ho’s and Ring-Dings with loads of processed sugars and transfats and I am good to go.
When I lived in France, people constantly told me how great the French pastries were supposed to be. Other than the Kouign Amann from the Breton region, I am yawning in boredom at French patisseries. Bring on the Hostess Twinkies or a Little Debbie’s Oatmeal Creme Pie for me. Though, I will grudgingly give a nod to fresh butter croissants with chocolate; my tbb group is quite snobbish.
While I have written this article under pressure from my own rather Junoesque tbb, my brain must now intercede. One cannot live a healthy, long life eating in the way my article has outlined ALL of the time. My Momma says: All things must be in moderation.