Finally, we can stop saying ‘Happy New Year’

January 2017 has proven to be the toughest month ever for everybody.
The holidays ended, either because people had to go back to school or work, or because they were so broke and had to leave their villages before ‘black tax’ levies became too high.
If you are black, you have to make your holiday exit before your relatives recover from their hangovers, and ask you to solve their financial problems.
With that said, let us start by confronting the elephant in the room: The Government is BROKE!
This is not a joke, and it’s not funny! So we are going through a technical recession, and if people are not careful, it’s only a matter of time before we see Namibian graduates selling Wambo spice in the streets of Harare.
On the issue of crime, there were 346 house break-ins in December 2016 alone, which is an average of 11 break-ins per day.
I was wondering why, so I came with two possible answers.
Firstly, smartphones, with our social media pages sold us out, by telling criminals that we were not at home. On Snapchat, the videos you post give away your surrounding scenery, and on Instagram you are out there eating out every night. Don’t you think we are just giving away too much information?
The second thing is that blacks are trying to act like whites. You see, back in the day, blacks never disclosed their travelling plans, for fear of being bewitched.  Black people ensured you only knew that they were away, when they came back.
These days, we just have black people doing white people things, because white people will give you all the information about their holiday plans - how they are travelling, what time they are leaving home for the airport, when their holiday is ending, and when and what time they are coming back! So everybody, stop letting everyone know your plans.
On the issue of Namibian sex tapes, from an academic point of view, one can say that there has been more diversity this year.
They have so far featured married women, gay guys and NUST students, instead of just Unam students and coloureds.
There have also been outcries that the distribution of such material is wrong and should be stopped. But ladies and gentlemen, let’s not forget that the Government is broke, and anything you get for free is hard to resist.
I am therefore moved to say that the distribution of such material is not wrong, what is wrong is distributing it for free.
Look at it this way; if we had legalised prostitution, the taxes accumulated would have helped us out of our current economic crisis. Did you know that the porn industry makes US$96 billion in profits globally, so since there is a lot of it going around locally, why not make money out of it, because the Government is broke?
Also alarming is the fact that no one is concerned about the lack of protection used in these videos. But maybe it’s not scary for Namibians, since we have even gone to the extent of inventing a name for unprotected sex.
Having unprotected sex in this day and age, especially in this economy, do we really want to add to the financial strain, by contracting HIV/AIDS or through an unwanted pregnancy?
On the issue of Grade 12s, maybe their results should not come out in January, because families at this stage are already in financial distress, and if your poor kid fails, it will be too much to handle.
This year, people were going on about how it’s a disgrace that only about 37 percent of fulltime Grade 12 ordinary level candidates qualified for university admission, but I say, let’s not only dwell on the negative; let’s look at the positives as well.
The Government is broke, which means there is no money for both people and institutions, so with these high Unam registration fees, this low figure qualifying for university might be a blessing in disguise.
This is also a time when young entrepreneurs can cash in. They must just open colleges; I mean Shilongo Shilongo Repeating Academy isn’t a bad name.
If Nigerians where here, I’m pretty sure that there would be a local school called In God We Trust College of Excellence by now.
Finally, Zimbabweans should stop selling cockroach killing pastes and open a college called Border of Success College, with the motto: Creating better leaders for tomorrow.
If you didn’t laugh while reading this, you have no sense of humour!
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